A Pictorial Day in the Life of Squatch

Since I have been informed that people were disappointed not to see what a day in the life of Squatch is like.

Generally the bulk of his day consists of digging a nest somewhere in the bark outside and meditating, while collecting an obscene number of ticks on him (And yes he has been Revolutionized, Advantixed, Frontlined, flea/tick bathed, vaccinated, etc. nothing keeps them off):

When he can scrounge up the energy, which we all know takes a great deal of effort, he may go swimming in the pond (or running on it if it's winter) or he might go chase the ducks:

However, due to his ever present jingling of his collar, and his obese frame, we all know that, in truth, Squatch has never successfully caught a duck and he probably never will. Knowing this sad truth, Squatch can only dream about catching his own duck to be butchered and prepared especially for him. Or in this case, goose.

Every once in awhile, Squatch will actually attempt to lose some weight off of his frame. However, this tends to come in short bursts. Unfortuantly for Squatch, rarely will his servant Tadd take him out for jogs, and when he does, Squatch is generally left gasping for air in the dust. And as we all know, being left behind in the dust generally does not leave a great propensity for pure air while drawing in gasping breaths. Due to the natural clumsiness of his physical state, Squatch also has a tendency to slow himself down by managing to whack himself in the head with sticks.

Now to reassure him of his manliness despite his lack of balls, which he unfortuantly lost within a day of coming into our household, Squatch has a harem of cats that daily molest and take advantage of him, male and female alike.

There is also a rabbit involved in the harem, however, looks are deceiving. Although these two appear to be enjoying each other's company, don't be fooled, they desperately hate one another. Many wars have ensued between the rabbit and Squatch over foods. Typically the rabbit wins. You would cower as well if this is what you encountered when approaching your dinner:





Unfortuantly, Squatch lost his one canine companion that understood his mental state and bolstered him to become more manly this past summer. Now he spends his days attempting to entertain himself without the help of his beloved companion Chloe.







However, despite the loss of this friend, his manservant Tadd trains with him daily to become more of a stud, schooling him in the arts of wrestling and warfare. Due to his diminuitive size, however, Squatch tends to lose these sparring matches, as can be observed in the image on the left. Squatch's main technique is the "wormer" which truly is not a combative technique, but more of an escape technique.

But all is not lost, for one of his harem felines is always there to comfort and soothe him after a lost match.

And finally at the end of the day Squatch always comes to bed to rest. And truth be told, in the telling of A Day in the Life of Squatch, Squatch's life kind of sucks.