Humans are Idiots

(As told by Squatch)

I have determined that humans are dumb. I have spent way too much time in the past 10 days rescuing humans from their own idiotic ideas. Damn this sunny weather, it must short circuit their brains or something. The damned humans keep needing saving from that evil contraption they call a boat. I spent close to my entire Easter Sunday having to drag these people back to shore.

Now wouldn't you think that would've been a big enough hint? I mean I took them RIGHT UP to the damn dock. But NOOOOOO. Instead of getting out of the boat-thingy, they kept GOING. So what choice did I have but to save them again?

And that was just on Easter. Stupid sun was out all weekend, and my owners, whom I THOUGHT had some brains, did it again! And they had the nerve to row up to that deadly shelled monster. Everyone knows that turtles can easily overtake humans and kill them. It's just a good thing they're slow on land, otherwise they would take over the world. But instead of staying safe on land, they went right up to it!! In water! It could've easily overpowered them! Luckily I managed to beat them to the shelled creature and intimidate it into hiding. Then they had to sit and wait for it to come back. I think my owners have a death wish. For example, they go to these crazy parks with death traps all over them. I don't know why they can't recognize them for what they are. I try to do the best I can, but my teeth can only do so much against a steel booby trap. I mean look at my manslave (who I now call Retardo) here:

After I was finally able to get Retardo off the spinning wheel of mortality, it kept spinning. I just knew the damn thing was trying to entice Retardo to get back onto it, so I had to give it a talking to. I think it listened. It took several bites, but it stopped finally. That's right bitch, you don't mess with the Squatch.

And then what does my womanslave have to do? I thought she had more brains that this. I now dub her Stupidhead. She got on this thing, I don't even KNOW what to call this. And it started moving up and down on her! Hello! Can't she tell it was about to catapult her to her death? So I had to try to drag her down by her pant leg, but the stupid thing kept jumping up too high for me to get a good grip.

Good Lord. I don't know what I'm going to do with these people. They're going to be the death of me and themselves. I'm going to nest in a pile of blankets now. I think I've earned it.